One would think that I have learned my lesson.
Nothing good comes from the want of attention. (Nothing good I can imagine also comes from blogging at close to 3am.) Since I have remembered I have always wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted to be the lead actress, or get the best grade, or have the prettiest dress or whatever. I have been spoiled and blessed beyond belief. These are what you call First World Problems.
The only hardship I have ever really experienced have been when I didn’t get items that I didn’t really need and when my parents got divorced. #blessed. (Sorry, I’ve become obsessed with hashtags (aka pound signs) lately.) I have always excelled (except for in A.P. Physics junior year of high school…I digress) and always received praise. I have always tried to be as humble as possible but on the inside it was hard to think of myself as less than perfect. #perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist; except for in the dictionary.
Which brings me to the real point, not all these tangents about how blessed I have been and how awesome I think I am on the inside. No, the real story here is about love. By this time in to the post I have excepted the fact that it will not be widely shared around on Twitter or Facebook and therefore allows me the freedom to say exactly what it is I want to say: Love is not perfect. Love in Disney movies does not exist. Love is incredibly painful- and you either adjust or you look for the next guy who will ultimately break your heart because he doesn’t live up to your unrealistic expectations. The word people use to describe love is compromise. Compromise can be painful- and usually is at first- and then you either adapt or realize that you have wasted all this time on Mr. Wrong.
Right now I am going through the phase I like to call: Same Story, Different Guy. I have a general idea of what I want out of life. I have a lot of knowledge about what I don’t want. And at the end of the day the story ends the exact same way: there is never enough attention to make me happy. I always believed I wanted to be in a completely exclusive relationship and be married forever and that there would never be any other guy for me. Perhaps it is the technological age with which we live in, but it has become increasingly harder to want to be with only one person forever. All the things that are wrong about guy A are so incredibly right with guy B. And when guy B gets boring you better believe that guy C is already on the radar.
I have lived this story. But most of all I know how this story ends. The guy listed in the preamble that no one reads: he is the only guy that matters (at least in my story). But that guy- he’s in the preamble and who even knows if he ever makes it in to the story or if he is just background information. I have the feeling that Mr. Right is not going to pop up on page 198 of my 200 page novel. It just doesn’t happen like that. No one likes that story because they have been rooting for guy A, B or C the entire story. Let me tell you though, at the end of the day, Preamble guy is the only one that I want or have ever loved enough to make me completely uninterested in any other guy. But like I said, that’s background information.
Ultimately, this post is for me. And I guess a little for preamble guy- if he ever gets around to reading this I’m sure he’ll know right away that I’m talking about him. He’s the only one that has a different story; that makes the story worth reading. Everything else is filler.