…or at least what I didn’t listen to. Because if I listened I would not be sitting here at 1am eating 1/9 of a 13×9 cake pan of brownies. I would probably still have a high stress level and to be honest, who knows if I would be happy or not. Confused? Let me begin.
As a child I was always told that being a kid was the best. That high school was better. And college, well college was going to be the time of my life. All of these things were true. But I always wanted the next thing. I wanted to be able to drive. To date. To get married. To have money. To be able to travel all the time. To have kids. And well, I think you get my point. And here’s my opinion: I should have stayed a kid.
Ok, I’m aware that this is impossible. I should have searched harder to find Neverland, because being seven was awesome. (Ok not that awesome because my parents were getting divorced- let’s go with five instead). Sure, I was a little bummed that I didn’t have class with Jeremy Bence- my crush from kindergarten to 5th grade. But I didn’t have much homework- and the homework I did have I kicked ass at. My mom still made my lunch. I didn’t have to worry if I looked good or if I had shaved my legs. I didn’t care if I got dirty or played in the rain or if I ran around like a complete fool. I had friends, I had fun. I didn’t have to work to get anything I wanted. It was great.
High school was pretty great too. Yeah, the homework was harder and Mr. Smith gave me a C+ in AP Physics, but I have never worked so hard for the worst grade I have ever gotten. I made a film in Spanish class and for Stats class. I rarely ever had class on a Friday. I was Prom Queen and Captain of the volleyball team. There were some shitty things too- mainly towards the end of freshman year. But overall, high school rocked. I made great friends and I fell in love- twice. I’m fortunate enough to still be in contact with both of those guys to this date.
College was a blast. I didn’t work half as hard on my homework and I started drinking. Unlike in high school I won absolutely no awards- which half the time sucked and the other half of the time was a blessing in disguise. I met my absolute best friend in the entire world. I was President and a Chair in multiple organizations and met very influential people at the college. The President even hugged me when I graduated. I was a manager at my job. People looked up to me.
And still I wanted more.
I was greedy. And look where it got me. I’m sure 20 years from now when I’m sending my kids off to college I will look back at today and think about how absolutely great I had it. No kids. No real bills. And I’m sure I’ll be right. 45 year old Star will comment on how great her life was at 23. Right now all I see is: my job is stressful. I’m not doing what I love. I’m overweight. I have few close friends in the area/ I hardly ever get to see my best friends and family. I have no idea where I stand with my boyfriend. All these guys from work and from college and everywhere keep hitting on me and sometimes I just want to say yes. I wish I had more time to fix up the house. I wish I were engaged so I actually felt cool with fixing up the house and not pouring my money in to a relationship that isn’t going to work.
And the more I type the more I realize to just take one day at a time. The truth: I am literally not capable of that. I know my weaknesses. That is one of them. I have tickets to a football game next week. I want to know who is going with me. What time we are going there? What we need to bring for tailgating? What are we going to do after? Where am I going to get a shirt? I cannot just figure it out next week. Half the time this is great. I know whats going on! Half the time I stress myself out more than need be.
So what am I getting at here? Well if I knew I wouldn’t be sitting here typing away. But I need to just enjoy where I am right now. I have a roof over my head. I have lots of food in my cabinets. I have a nice sized bank account. I have a beautiful puppy and a boyfriend. I have a job that pays me really well. Life will go on. Life always goes on. It’s not going to stop while I try to figure out the football game. Or pause so I can get to the gym and shower and eat and get to work. Life is too stressful to add all that extra junk to it. Ok my job is stressful, what am I going to do about it? I’m going to take deep breaths. I’m going to focus on what doesn’t suck about it. My house…so what if one room isn’t painted? There are people out there whose houses are getting foreclosed because of the economy. If I take a step back I actually have it pretty good. I have very few responsibilities. I have a job. I have amazing friends and a loving family.
So yeah, I wish I could have found Peter Pan. But we all have to grow up (whether we mature or not is a different article) and if we keep looking for the worst in stuff, we will find it. I promise. But if we look for the good stuff; we will absolutely find that too. So I’m going to take a deep breath. I’m going to snuggle with my doggy. And I’m going to forget about how shitty today (err, yesterday) was. Because it was pretty poopy, but the day before that was good! And you know why? Because tomorrow is a new day. And if I let today ruin my mood for tomorrow, nothing is going to get better. I can no longer change yesterday. I can only change today. And my positive attitude today will make tomorrow great as well.
So what do they tell you? My parents always told me to stay a kid. Have fun. Enjoy myself. Life only gets harder. And as I already explained I didn’t listen. But here’s what I can do. I can enjoy myself and my life now. And I can have fun tomorrow. And I can relax. And I can be grateful for all the blessings that I do have. Because not everyone is as fortunate as I.
xoxo