Daniel

So I was going through old Facebook posts (looking for something of course) and decided I was going so see my “friendships” with some of my friends on Facebook. After going through a few friends and not finding what I was looking for, I decided I was going to see my Facebook friendship with Daniel- one of my close friends from High School.

Daniel was very popular in HS, he was a soccer player, very smart, social-able and attractive. We went to a small high school but I always regarded Daniel among one of my closest friends. I’m not sure if he felt the same. I was always a little intimidated by his friendships with certain girls we went to school with. They would flirt and make fun of each other. We never had that kind of relationship. He dressed up as a gorilla for my moms 50th birthday at a crowded restaurant and we went to Prom together sophomore year. We were even Prom King and Queen two years later.

We went to college in separate parts of the country. A few nights before we all left, he had a bonfire at his house. Daniel told me that he was going to miss me the most and promised that we would stay in touch (I’m not sure if he remembers this or not, but it caused the guy I was dating at the time to freak out and not talk to me the rest of the night.) I even made a movie that was centered around Daniel’s and my friendship.

Tonight, looking over our friendship, I’m saddened by what has come to pass. What started out as hundreds of posts from our senior year and prior then reduced down to slightly fewer our freshman year of college has turned in to the singular “Happy Birthday” post. I remember a few years ago meeting up with Daniel when we were both home from college at Starbucks and we ran out of things to talk about after a half hour. I was incredibly depressed for the rest of the day knowing that I had lost one of my close friendships. It appeared that Daniel’s and my friendship had run its course and that, perhaps, we were only friends because we went to a small school and had most classes together.

I sit and wonder if I could have done something differently or if our friendship was destined for this path from the start. Could and should I have held on longer? Was I so caught up in my own life that I neglected our friendship? Was he? Or was it just a high school friendship? Did we serve the purpose in each others life?

I’ve never expressed these feelings where someone could find them so readily. Sure, they’re in the movie, and sure I had hoped Daniel would watch it but that was never a guarantee. And I wonder if the only reason that it bothers me now is because it’s 1:30 in the morning and I need to go to sleep. Maybe it’s all of the above. But it does bother me. And I hope that by opening up I can try to fix it.

 

xoxo