For a very long time I have struggled with my weight. We’re talking a long time. When I was 15 and going through drivers ed I knew that I did not want to put my real weight on my license so I decided that I was going to start eating healthier. And by that I mean that I was going to cut out soda, ice cream and French fries. It was great at first and I started to lose a bunch of weight and a lot of people noticed. 
And that was a really great feeling. That feeling in and of itself was like a drug that I could not get enough of. I started eating less and less and convinced myself that it wasn’t that bad by reading books on anorexia and convincing myself that I wasn’t as bad as the chick in the book because I ate more than a wedge of cheese and a handful of grapes.
When we were getting closer to Prom I realized that I had spent more time focusing on my boyfriend than on my weight and as a result the scale had gone up. I turned to a bunch of pills in order to try to drop the weight and my attitude changed drastically and my boyfriend and I started fighting so much that it almost ended our relationship.
In college I was able to maintain a healthy attitude regarding my weight and for the most part I was able to eat whatever I wanted without feeling guilty about it. I also worked out a lot and walked to class. Keeping a healthy opinion about my weight is something that I still struggle with but it has gotten a lot better. I accept myself and my body but I also want to take care of it. I’ve started working out again since I signed up to run a 5k and I hope that propels me to keep working out after the 5k is over.
This quote really does help to put things in perspective though. Is fat REALLY the worst thing that we can be? I read all these articles of women who want to be photo-shopped in photos for their husband and the husband hates it because it takes away all the personality. It takes away the childbirth and the times you stayed up until 2 in the morning eating pizza and getting to know each other. While I haven’t experienced that personally, my extra weight has some pretty good memories – memories of game night and wine and cheese nights with face masks. And while that makes me feel only slightly better about the extra pounds, it also helps me not to hate my body because I know the love and the good times that are going in to it. It helps me to want to just be healthy and not skinny.
If you need help, please visit the National Eating Disorders Association or Eating Disorder Hope websites.